All I Got

lone-traveller

 

Gave love all I got,

would be enough I thought.

Turned out to be nought,

left me out to rot.

 

Felt no pain or anger,

filled my heart with hunger,

to make it last longer,

would that be a blunder?

 

Husky voice still do linger,

in my mind little stronger,

Like a warm coats in the winter,

making me into a thinker.

 

I’ve been here many times before,

without me even asking for.

Time to swim for the shore?

before my heart is sore?

 

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Day the Music Died

trench

 

Clenching my M16 so hard my knuckles starts to hurt,

with incessant rain, my uniform covered with sweat and dirt.

Tension hangs heavy as the thick fog, waiting for the go ahead,

brother-in-arms conveys with his eyes the tension without being said.

 

Deafening noise of shells that keeps falling nearby keeps reminding us of danger,

chunks of mud and rocks raining down with it feels larger and larger.

Some wise men said “There is no atheist in foxholes”

everyone praying they were somewhere else instead of this hellhole.

 

Brief break in pace of shooting allows me to peek over the trench,

my sense of smell is overwhelmed by the smell of rotten body stench.

Just as I was recovering from the urge to regurgitate my K-ration,

a bullet ricochet off my helmet leaving me with a dazed sensation.

 

 

Unanswered Questions

forest

 

Where do we go from here is the open question,

raking my brain so hard yet there is only confusion.

Whether to continue or to live a life of seclusion,

can anything be done to this life we call delusion?

 

Why have so much negativity crept into my writing?

it used to be much more lively and exciting.

Is it just a reflection of state of my mind and soul?

with such heavy heart, how can one expect me to be whole?

 

Like a toy whose keys has all been unwind,

I stare at the window with an empty mind.

Striving hard to come up with something positive to say,

it looks like this is not likely to happen today.

End of the Road?

endoftheroad

 

Ominous dark clouds slowly rolls over the horizon with hint of menace,

choices are either to take flight or to sit tight and embrace.

With mother nature charging at you with its full force,

time to ask “is it really worth staying on course”?

 

After rationalizing every pros and con like an expert realist,

we decided to part ways amicably and not be sentimentalist.

In no ways was this decision taken in a lighthearted way,

it was mutually agreed, in which we both had a say.

 

This may sound more like a business deal than matters of heart,

but we came to realize, sometimes in life mind does win over heart.

Hearts may have lost this battle, but it hasn’t been completely defeated,

it will rise like a phoenix when time comes and when needed.

 

Will not say goodbye just because it’s the end of the road,

of god knows, we may meet in future further down the road.

with a smile on our face, we will greet like long lost friend,

reminisce about the good old days when we were more than friends.

 

Today maybe a weekend, but it sure doesn’t feel like one,

feeling very down after all that has been said and done.

Have to start listening to the great Jagjit Singh’s1 song all night long,

because no one can beat him when it comes to singing sad songs.

 

 

  1. Famous Gazal Singer

Wounded Soul

autumn

Little flicker of hope has been extinguished without funfair,

why should anyone in this cruel world even care?

Only the hearts that has been touch will be aware,

for rest of its life the pain it must bear.

 

If only heart can be mended just like we mend our shoes,

then it will be able to take much more and repeated abuse.

Alas, this heart is made of such a delicate and fragile stuff,

there must be something I can do to make it strong enough.

 

All around us, the leaves have turned yellow and withered,

just lying in the street and waiting to be trampled.

Either to be burned or to be used as compost,

please use me so someone else can grow the most.

 

 Today it is supposed to rain so heavy with high speed wind,

I say bring it on, two feet snow too to make me blind.

Since I got nothing to lose, weather too can be unkind,

I’m not going to see what I set out to find.

 

Why God? Why do you even keep me around?

so you can enjoy watching me lick my wound?

It’s no wonder that I question your very existence,

and never in my life asked for your assistance.

 

Can I be “Indian Giver” and take back the love already given?

and go back to the time simple, with nothing to be proven?

When this was just a chatroom, nothing more nothing less,

trying to move back the time, wishful thinking I guess.

 

People will keep saying that times have changed,

when it’s the circumstances that has be rearranged.

Can’t do anything when fate has chosen your path,

will have to deal with whatever maybe the aftermath.

 

Chahat ke barsaat1 is romantic and looked forward with longing,

well, not when my eyes are already wet with mourning.

This rain will help me dilute my tears as it runs down,

making it easier to hide tears as I go about the town.

 

 

  1. Rain of love

Kiss of Death

war-scene

Tibs1 say it’s so precious to be born as human being,

personally it is very hard to agree with this Tib saying.

As for me this life has become more of a punishment,

like more of just waiting for the day of the Judgment.

 

Like a man who is condemned with death penalty,

nothing to do but wait for rendezvous with destiny.

Just going through fond memories like the TV reruns,

before the executioner gets to push the death button.

 

If you are wondering what happened to jolly and hopeful me,

he got carried away to distant sea by the emotional Tsunami.

I am his haunted soul doomed to roam this mortal earth,

you guys might as well treat him as dead hence forth.

 

If you are expecting flowery words and hopeful message in my versification,

you will be disappointed as now I can’t write to that specification.

Now it will be all about loss of love, death and destruction,

you just have to wait and see the sight of emotional eruption.

 

War in Syria, refugees in Europe and South China Sea dispute,

occupies your mind, when your mind has nothing pleasant to compute.

Dark thoughts and despair is the only thing you see around,

when you give up on love and your heart is worn-down.

 

Just don’t know which direction I should be taking now,

should I wait for divine intervention to show me how?

Or should I be pretending like it doesn’t hurt at all?

and carry on with my life as if I can’t recall?

 

  1. Short for Tibetan

Another Dead End

end-of-the-road

And just like that it ended before it started,

the time has come for us to be parted.

We were on a journey without any set destination,

it was fun while it lasted for the duration.

 

In the end it was difference of expectation that did it,

it’s a good thing we both are mature enough to admit.

We part ways with no hard feelings whatsoever,

we have created wonderful memories to last forever.

 

Thank you for lending your ear without any complaint,

and for showing me patience matching those of a saint.

I know I will never find someone like you so understanding,

I will give up my search for a person so outstanding.

 

Wish you all the best for what may lay ahead,

may success always follow you dear wherever you may tread.

I hope and pray that you will find what you are looking for,

my blessing are always with you for what life may have in store.

 

Well dear, it’s time to say our final good bye,

I will say my final good bye with a deep sigh.

Sorry if I have been a disappointment to you dear,

btw am writing this poem with eyes filled with tears.